great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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