I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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