Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so let's talk penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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