So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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