Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
