my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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