just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
