It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
