I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
