I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
