I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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