YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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