I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
