I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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