the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
