Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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