Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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