Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
