just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
