I'm so fucking centered right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
