i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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