forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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