I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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