i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
BRING THE BAGELS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
