I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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