i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
