you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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