Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
