so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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