Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
