I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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