You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
