I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
