maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
