thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
