I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
either way he was missing a nipple.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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