So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
