i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
