dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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