So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
