im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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