I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
