I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
