If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
