I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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