seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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