Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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