Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
