Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
