he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
