i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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