im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
