matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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